There is no torture quite like a fifteen hour plane ride. You’re trapped in the smallest of spaces, not even an inch away from a stranger, sitting in your own sweat, breathing the same used air for hours. Sure, going to a new destination is exciting, but actually getting there is awful. My flight didn’t leave LAX until midnight, which meant with the time change, I’d been up almost twenty-four hours. Add in the mental and emotional exhaustion; I was beat. I think I slept about four hours on the flight, but I don’t think I’d consider that real sleep, definitely not restful sleep. One of the only thoughts that kept me sane was the reminder that I wouldn’t have to do this flight again for at least a year, maybe longer. Each time I felt like going insane, that thought was my solace.
Finally, the captain called over the speaker that we were approaching Sydney, our long flight over the Pacific finally over. Excitedly, I opened my window and looked out. My eyes grew wide as I watched the blue of the ocean fade away, beaches appear, then a large city. I audibly gasped when I spotted the Sydney Opera House and Sydney Harbor, places I’d heard so much about, actually there in front of my eyes. As the plane circled the city, I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, I actually did it. I moved to Australia, and I’m not scared.” Looking down at Sydney, feeling the plane descend after such an incredible journey, I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of myself. In my heart, I didn’t feel any fear, only excitement at what was to come, and awe at myself for actually committing to this journey.
I’m not blind to the fact that picking up my entire life and moving across the world, solely because I wanted to, is a great privilege. Not everyone can do this. It takes time, research, and money, among many other things. But I also have to question, is it really a privilege that I’m doing this? The word privilege means ‘special right’ or ‘advantage’, and if I’m honest, I wouldn’t consider much about how I got here a special right, or advantage, or really anything good. In fact, I would consider how I got here a tragedy. Were it not for an abusive marriage, I wouldn’t have the freedom to do what I am doing. Were it not for working seven days a week, I couldn’t have paid off my debt or afforded my flights and visa. Were it not for my job ending in August, I wouldn’t have needed to look for something else. I could leave everything in my country behind because I didn’t really HAVE anything keeping me there; no one needed me. I can go live anywhere because I have no anchor holding me down; that reality can be both freeing and depressing.
For all that, I see what I’m doing now, any amount of life lived, as a second chance. To see the world is an opportunity and gift I never thought I would have. I believe there are so many people, both men and women, who have incredible potential. They’re lights whose shine can reach far, farther than they could ever imagine; their potential to shine has no limit. But these people get their light covered, dimmed. They allow someone or something to put a cap on how far they can go, who they can become. Too many people will live their entire lives never growing to their full potential, never allowing their life to be more than what it is, either because they let someone cover them, or because they don’t believe in themselves enough to go for their dreams. I was both, I had my light covered, my limits dictated and set, but I also believed that I couldn’t be more. I mean, extraordinary things happen to other people, but not me, right? Yes, that is right, if you choose to make it that way.
Looking out of the window of the plane and seeing the famed opera house, I told myself this: “The only limit set for me is the one I set for myself.” Somewhere along the line, after lots of healing and growing, I finally believed that I could do what I set my mind to do. I set my mind to move, so I did. I’ve set my mind to become a bestselling author, and I will. None of this will just happen, it takes dedication and hard work, it takes believing in yourself. But there’s nothing like that moment when the reality of believing in yourself comes true, when you hold that degree or finished book or look out that window, there’s nothing like that feeling. There is nothing like that freedom.
The bright side to life is that we all have this potential, and we are the ones who are in control of how far we grow; we can take the cover off our light and shine brighter. Is it easy? No, it can be devastating, it can feel world-ending, it can be the scariest thing you’ve ever done. If me a year-and-a-half ago knew all it took to get here now, she probably wouldn’t have done it, because it looked too hard. But the me who exists now, who lived through every one of my worst days, knows that it was all worth it. The beauty of it all, when I looked down at the ocean and city below, was knowing that I couldn’t have achieved this on my own. Perhaps I do have an Anchor grounding me, but not in the way we imagine an anchor to be. The Anchor in my life is deeper; it’s in my soul, and no matter where I go, it always pushes me to reach the full potential set out for me. When I know the life He calls me to, how could I ever settle for less?
Yours Truly,
the Brightside Blonde