I meant to write this almost a month ago; I meant to do a lot of things almost a month ago. But I had a health scare, then devastating news, then I went on a trip, then I got stuck in Sydney, then I worked a lot, and everything I usually do at the beginning of a new year kind of fell away. I’m the kind of person who likes to dedicate one night to writing down all my goals and intentions for the New Year, creating a vision board, and working out how I will achieve what I desire for myself. I break these goals down into three parts, where I check in every four months on what I have achieved, and what I need to do to succeed in what I haven’t. I am quite a calculated person, at least I try to be. If you know me, you know this doesn’t ever pan out the way I plan it. Last year’s major goals were: visit Australia, visit Europe, pay off debt, run a half-marathon, and move to Europe. I did visit Australia, I did pay off my debt, and I moved to another country, but it definitely wasn’t in Europe. All that said, I like going into the year with a plan, and the fact that I haven’t “mapped” my year out on paper yet, well, it’s been getting to me.
We’ve already established that I’m a bit too difficult on myself, I expect too much in too little time, and when I inevitably fall short, I have no mercy on me. Suffice to say, I’ve been beating myself up a lot in the last few weeks. I haven’t given myself the time to focus on me, to breathe, because I’ve allowed myself to become too busy stressing about all my little short comings. If I forgot to mark something in the book at work, I feel like a failure; if I say no to hanging out with someone, I feel like the worst friend; and if I leave dirty dishes in my sink too long, I feel like a bad homemaker. Isn’t it amazing how, we can do eight out of ten things correctly, but only see the two places we fell short? That we allow those human moments define us? Maybe I’m not speaking for everyone, maybe it’s just me who feels this way; maybe I’m the only person who has to fight for a reason to get out of bed each morning, because she’s so afraid all of the ways she could disappoint someone. But I know I’m not alone in this, we’re just all a bit too scared to say it out loud sometimes, or to pause long enough to realize how we really feel.
But now, today, I’m pausing. Finally. I’m taking a bit of time for me, to collect my own thoughts, to write out my goals, and to make the right decisions to get me to who I want to be. It’s not a “new year, new me,” it’s a new year with the same me, who’s just trying to be a bit more gracious with herself, a bit more selfish with her time, and a bit more kind; always more kind. So, without further ado, here are my 2025 goals and intentions. I’m listing them as a means to hold myself accountable, to show you at the end of the year how largely these will shift, and purely so I can have them written somewhere.
Run a half-marathon
Run the Sydney Marathon
Visit America
Road-trip around Tasmania
Make more time for girl friends
Complete the first draft of my new novel
Visit Bali or New Zealand
Stay consistent with weekly hair-oiling
Stay consistent with skincare routine
Blog once a week
Enroll in graduate studies
Listen to a devotion everyday
Become a better friend
Monthly therapy
Speak kinder to yourself and others
Write and stick to a budget
As you can tell, some of these are more intentions than they are goals, and I’ll be honest, some of these feel a bit bold to put in writing on the internet. Telling everyone I want to run a marathon, to visit home again, that I want to further my education? Feels a bit audacious, because, what if I don’t achieve it? What if I tell everyone what my goals are, who I want to be, and I don’t get there? You know what will happen? It will be okay. I will either achieve what I set out to do, or I won’t, because something better will come along, or I won’t believe in what I want enough. The idea of intentions is to give me something to believe that I can achieve, to give me a bit of a direction, and to also allow myself the peace that what’s supposed to work out, will. My therapist always says, “What’s meant for you will never pass you by.” I believe that, to an extent. It could come, but you could keep yourself from reaching out to grab it. I want to prepare myself to be ready to grab everything that God has meant for me, and to also keep myself from what He doesn’t.
Even though my head has been in a bad place recently, my intention is still to look on the bright side of life. I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth, I have wonderful friends, and what feels like endless opportunities. So, even when I am anxious about falling short and failing, I can be content to know that it is okay to step away, to breathe, and to re-align by myself. Anxiety is very real, at times, it’s okay to acknowledge and feel, but not to let myself dwell in. I’m thankful for those who support me, who believe in me, and who have helped me through every change and transition. Each year has been a whirlwind of the unexpected, but I am so thankful for the steadfast love of God, Who holds me and keeps me, through every calm and storm.
Yours Truly,
the Brightside Blonde